Absent individuals and my dreams...

Before I plunge in to another post let me say that I know yesterday's post was full of venom, bile and bitter anger. This is me not apologizing for what I said, but rather promising that I will try to keep that stuff to myself a bit more. It builds up over time and then I spew it out and do I feel better? Not really, but I guess it needed to come out for whatever reason. This particular episode was triggered by my dreams

We dragons dream just like people do, or at least we dream. I guess it's impossible to say how anyone dreams is similar to someone else since a dream may be the one true individual experience that can not possibly be shared. At any rate, we dream. And sleeping a lot can lead to a lot of dreams. For me, my dreams fall into one of three broad categories almost 100% of the time: Traveling, usually with family or friends; recurring dreams that could be about anything; dreams about people who are absent from my life. Traveling dreams are generally just mental candy. I don't think they mean much, and they don't bleed into my waking hours.

recurring dreams are a different story. It's not just with me, but with most dragons and people recurring dreams are the subconscious mind trying to tell us something. Sometimes it's a message, sometimes it's anxiety, often it's both. I've found that once I 'solve' the problem the dreams go away. I haven't had a recurring dream in a while.

And then there are the absent people dreams. I can't say whether these are 'normal' though I don't know anyone else who has experiences close to mine. Some of these dreams are just sad, involving people in my life who have passed away. Often they are there and everything is fine until I realize that they have in fact died. And then the dream falls apart usually with me in tears. Yes dragons cry, though in this case we're talking dream tears. While these dreams are disturbing and sad to me, they still aren't the problem.

There are other people who are absent from my life for reasons other than death. People who are absent from my life, but still present in the world, present in places where I might find them if I chose to look. Now the reason for these absences are usually sad and tragic, but these are all worthy of posts all to themselves. But the dreams, that's what kills me.

Picture if you will that perfect friendship, where everything is comfortable and hanging out with the other person is just always just 'right'. The kind of friendship that makes one feel better just when the other one is nearby. So something happens, and the friendship goes away, but it leaves behind a lingering pain which eventually dulls until only the scars remain. Alls right with the world again, or at least as right as it's going to be. And then that friend comes back in dreams and in the dreams everything is 'right' again.

So we wake up, and the scars ache and all I really want to do is go back to sleep again, to find that place and stay there. If it were only that easy, I might never leave the quite sleeply place in my den. But, after these dreams sleep is just dreamless and empty.


I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

T.S. Elliot...